I’m a bit curmudgeonly about New Year’s resolutions, generally because I don’t stick to them. I also listened to too much Death Cab for Cutie as an impressionable and angsty teenager:
Words of the year make me cringe and I never even remember what I resolve for the year, let alone stick to it. Anyway, now I also have the excuse that the Church new year already passed and resolutions are for Lent. Nevertheless, my vague resolution for 2016 is to “get more organized.” Whatever that means. So far, I have watched a dozen YouTube videos about other people’s planners and bought a roll of washi tape. So progress, yes?Christopher is at an easy age at the moment (as easy as toddlers can be), so I’d like to strike out beyond our daily routine to get some more long term habits in place before any possible big life changes happen – moving, another kid, looking for work from home. I worry I become a slave to the medium of organization without actually getting organized. I watched all those videos about various Etsy shop owners’ beautiful bullet journals and I think “well, actually, the key to getting anything done is an immaculate planner.” As much as I wish I had that kind of creativity, I know I will never be able to artfully place washi tape just-so. A system would be nice, but nicer still is actually vacuuming our carpet.
Paralysis without perfect conditions is an issue in most areas of my life. I have a dozen 75% finished blog posts I haven’t published because I can’t seem to make them perfect. I neglect to start a Rosary if I don’t think I can find it or if I even anticipate being distracted. I never thought I was a perfectionist, but I think the my tendency not to start anything might stem from my desire for everything to be just right. I wouldn’t look at my professors’ comments on my papers in college because I couldn’t bear to know what they thought of my writing. I still occasionally struggle (less so, I think, now) with feeling over-analytical in social situations, so I stay quiet lest I say anything gauche or awkward. And now, in the nitty gritty of developing habits, I eschew the whole process as too scary, too cringeworthy, both because it’s hard and because it’s not perfect immediately. I’m hesitant to declare any intentions just in case I end up failing.
The platitude, “It’s not about the destination, but the journey” could do me some good, I guess. Better is 2 Corinthians 3:18: “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” (ESV) That “are being transformed” means we’re not made to change overnight. From the slow change of grace perfecting nature down to our natural reason better governing our passions, we creatures evolve slowly. To be transformed from glory to glory requires daily, hourly, resolutions and submission to grace.
So, to better resolutions and embracing the stumbles among the small victories. And finding some actual steps to a more organized life.